About the Hillbilly

Howdy folks! I’m Thaddaeus T. Hogg, the Hillbilly Marketeer and I am rite proud you done come around to visit me!

I am the unofficial mayor of Stumpwoody Holler since we ain’t never elected no mayor round these here parts! For those of you what mite not be knowin’, the Holler is twixt Hooptydoo Hill and Windydrawers Gulch. That there should be givin you some conception where we folks be livin’!

Just to tell you a little bit ’bout myself…

1. I shore am the richest fellar in Stumpwood Holler! Now, I ain’t ’bout to go to braggin but I will just say that I done be makin’ in the high three figger income each an ever dadburn month!

2. Miz Penelope is my finest sow (she ain’t never been to fond a bein’ called a pig) an that there sow is purt near smart as mostest of the folks round here; an that there is shore sayin something cause folks round here are a mite smart. Why, Theobold Hitchbottom done went an graduated from high school before that there feller turned 30 years old! Ain’t no other folks round here done that before.

3. I is one of the mostest well known Interneet Marketeers out yonder in Cyberspace. You can ask just bout any a them there gooroos out there and ever dadburn one of em has been hearin bout the Hillbilly Marketeer! Shorely you has been hearin bout me an my two feller interneet gooroos. If you hadn’t been hearin’ bout “The Three Marketeers”, I just don’t be knowin where you been hangin out!

4. If you be wantin to know just how old I am, well I can be tellin you that I am 56 years old. If you be a wantin to know what I look like, well, I shore can tell you that  I am purty dadgum good lookin! You just mite say that I was the bestest lookin feller within an accurate squirrel shot of Stumpwoody Holler… no brag, just fact!

5. Now I done got me a mity fine woman an we been hitched for over 30 years! That there womans name is Sooie an she can call a hog bettern any utter dadburn folk within a thousand shakes of a bulls tail a Stumpwoody Holler! An good lookin… OH MY GAWD, that there girl done gone an made Shania, Angelina, Hayden, Megan, Keira an Mischa all look downright plane! Well, if you be a wantin the honest truth, I’m guessin I oughta be a tellin you that Shania, Angelina Hayden, Megan Keira and Mischa are the Gooberdoodie sisters an them women folk aint for winnin any beauty contests any time soon anyways! BUT Sooie IS finern a good bowel movement after 10 days a consideration! That there woman is my Hillbilly Mamma!!!

6. Me an the Hillbilly Mamma gots us three a the purtiest daughters you have ever laid eyeballs on. We gots pet names for em an that there is what we be a callin em… to be honest, we done fergot what their real names was!

The eldest one is called Pookiebear! That there girl is purty as ole hillbilly an she is a rite smart thang. She was the firstest person from the Holler who done graduated from college. She went for four years to Stumpwoody State University and she done come out a teacher person.

The second eldest is called Tweetybird and she is a purty thang to. Now she’s a smart one un to but sometimes I just wander if she was born without a lick a sense! I let that there girl be a drivin my tractor an she went an wrecked it. THEN, I be a lettin that there girl be a drivin my utter tractor an she done run it into the fence post an wrecked it. She cleaned the ashes outta the fire pit an put em into a wooden bucket and purt near burned down our outhouse. I shore am a tryin to git that there girl hitched up so’s she’ll stop a damagin my property!

The lastest and youngest girl in this here clan goes by the name of Mistichick. She’s another purty fillie! Smarts? Why, I shore do thank that there girl is gonna be another smart one cause it be a lookin like she’s a gonna finish high school to. I’m bettin she gonna get outta high school within 5 or 6 years. That durn girl is smartern heck!

Little Mistichick also gots religion! Why, she’s always goin down there to the Stumpwoody Higher Powered Church of the Pentibaptist an praisin the Lard! She’s always readin the Good Book an a tellin all the other folks what it be a sayin… well, she has to do that cause ain’t to many folks what can read!

An last but now leastest, there be my son-in-law what done went an gots hitched to my little Pookiebear. We just call that there boy Eraserhead cause he’s purty durn good at wipin thangs out!

Well now, that there is probably nuff said bout me an the Hogg Clan! I’ll be sharin more as we get to be a knowin each utter!

Ya’ll be takin care an you come on back again!

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