General News

I am fixin to throw my hat in the ring for president of these here United States! Now you can vote for ole Thad! I am a little different sorta candidate! I DO accept gratuities and bribes… Oh, wait, that ain’t no different that those are what runnin now, anyway!

Howdy folks! I was thankin about somethin today and I decided to share it with you. Please allow me to tell ya’ll a story and then I will tell you folks what the moral of the story is!

See, about three years ago I was talkin to my good friend Bubba. He had come into some dinero and he was wantin to take a vacation. He asked me where he should go on his vacation and I told him he should go to Aruba. Wellsir, he went and when he got back he came to visit me and he told me that his wife got pregnant!

Two years ago he came to me and asked me where he should go again. I told him he oughta try Mexico. He went and when he got back he told me his wife got pregnant again!

Well, last year he asked me where he should go and I told him to try Canada. He went and when he got back, danged if he didn’t tell me his wife got pregnant again!

So this year I told him to go to Hong Kong and he said that that was a right nice idea but he was goin to do things a little differently. This time he was goin to take his wife with him!

So here’s the thang for all you folks who can’t seem to make any money online… if you keep doin thangs the same ole way that you are doin them then you is goin to get the same ole results. If you want to have different results then you is gonna have to do thangs differently!!!

Take care!

Howdy folks! It’s been a little bit since I was postin on this here blog because I have been busier than a Cobra at at Mongoose convention! When I finally did get back, I see 700 people had signed up as users… they DO have rehab for those addictions, you know?

Anyhew, I appreciate all you folks dropping by to see ole Thad. Next time you are through the holler, you just pull up a rockin chair on the front porch and we will chat and sip ole Thad’s… ummm… special formula!!

Ya’ll take care!

Our high school here sits upon a hill (that is why we call it a high school) an we have a mity fine football coach. Coach Cletus has been with our team fer nigh on to a coons age. That there feller is smarterin a whip an he knows how to make the grade with them guys an gals on the football team. It shore is a shame but the fact is, not a lot of them guys and gals on the team could “make the grade” even if they tried! I am shore not makin fun of them or nuthin but if their brain was ink, most of them could not dot an “i”.

Well, the superintendent, the school board, the parent teachers group and the Parents Of Other Parents In Education came to a like-minded, all of one mind decision. (Well, to be honest, that were not hard to do since Coach Cletus is the only member of all them groups) He decided that the quarterback of the football team was not doin’ her part to become learned in the fine art of math so he told her that the only way she was goin to play on Wednesday night was if she could answer a math question. Well, Coach Cletus did not be wantin to make it too difficult for her because she was the star of the team. In fact, she was the quarterback, the tight end and the linebacker of the 8 folk team so they could not do without her.

Well, Coach Cletus gathered them all in one fell swoop and told them what Claritalynn had to do to play in the big game on Thursday night. They was all real nervous like because they needed her real bad; just like Liberace needed his piano (see, he was a famous piano player so that made him a penist) Anyhow, he set her down on a stool in the middle of the room but she were not happy sittin in dookie so he had her stand in the middle of the group. The tension in that room was as thick as Ken Leatherman’s skull (well, probably not THAT thick but purt near as close). Coach Cletus looked her right in her eyeball and asked, “Claritalynn, how much is two and two?”

That there room went deathly quiet! They KNEW they was needin her in Friday night’s big game. Yew could have heared a bumble bee fart! Claritalynn sat there ponderin the answer cause she knowed she would have only one change to git it right. So, after an hour or two, she looked Coach Cletus right in his left eyeball (Coach only had one, you know) and she answered, “FOUR!” Every guy and gal in that room jumped up from their seats!!! That room erupted in screams and hollers!!! In one voice they all said, “Come on Coach Cletus… give her another chance!”

Yew all take care now and the Ole Hillbilly sends out a great big, smoochy, tabacky swapin, close enough to see boogers, kiss to each and ever one a yew folk!

Ole Cooter was havin some stomach complaints so he called ole Doc Shinbooty. Doc told him he would have to come in for some testin and set up a time for him to come on down.

Well, ole Cooter was sittin in the doctor’s office just waiting to get some a them gastric X-rated rays when he heard the nurse say, “Doc Shinbooty, they is ready to do them x-rays. Thelma Lee will xray em and I will Barrium!

Well now, ole Cotter went and passed plumb out cause he wasn’t even dead yet!

Did you folks be knowin that a business organization is like a tree full of monkeys? Yessir, they all be on different limbs an they all be at different levels. Some of em are climbin up an some of em is movin down.

Them there monkeys on the top looks down an they see a tree full of smilin faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but monkeybutts!

Now if you are successful online, the only monkeybutt you will have to be lookin at is your own!

Hillbilly Marketer’s Rule Of Success #1 – be treatin your interneet business like it IS a business an not like it’s a hobby!!!

Good thang about livin here in the Holler… you don’t never have to eat your vittles alone! Heck, you cain’t! One person has to watch for cars while the other un eats!

Tweeter was goin’ to town the other day and low and behold, he had hisself a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the gravel road and he proceeded to put a bunch of Dandelions front of his truck and another bunch of Dandelions behind his truck.  Then he got back in to wait.

Twernt long before Dookie come driving by and he was so plumb curious that he turned around and went back.  He stopped and asked Tweeter what the problem was.

Tweeter tole him, “I done gone an had a dadgum flat tire, Dookie.”

Dookie said, “I can see that there, Tweeter, but what’s with all them thar Dandelions?”

Tweeter looked at him sorta strange and responded, “Don’t you be knowin nothin Dookie? When you break down you is supposed to put flares in the front and flares in the back.  I never did understand it neither but that thar is just what I done.”

Dookie said, “Ahhh heck Tweeter, I done went an forgot all about that!”

You know, Ole Dookie is shore a character! That fellar ain’t got a lick a sense!

Dookie and his friends went deer huntin and paired off in twos for the day. That night, Dookie came back to the cabin all by his lonesome, staggering under the weight of a eight-point buck.

“Where’s Jeddidiah?” the others asked.

“Jeddidiah had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” ole Dookie replied.

“You done left Jeddidiah laying out there and carried the deer back?” they inquired.

“It shore was a tough call,” nodded Dookie. “But I figured no one was gonna steal Jeddidiah!”

What is up with all the talkin bout Pigweed? Seems like that stuff is the talk of the town nowadays! People comin up to me are a askin’, “Thad (they say that causin that there is my name) what do yew thank bout that thar pigweed?” Wellsir, let me jest tell yew what Imma thankin!

Pigweed has gots to be the craziest thang I ever heered of. How in tarnation can one a them porkers even hold it to smoke it? I guess a lot a them city slickers ain’t figgered out that pigs ain’t got no hands. What wud yew be a namin a product like that anyhew? Porkie Tokies? I can durn shore guar-an-tee yew that when them little piggies get them munchies, they shore won’t be a snackin on any a them chips called pigs feet! Pigweed? Who woulda thunk it?

Now I gots to be admitin that Miz Penelope shore dew like them thar Cheech and Chong movies… “Up In Smoke” was one a her fav-o-rite shows! (For those what dont be a knowin, Miz Penelope is my favorite sow) I seem to remember that in that thar movie ole Cheech kept callin the stuff sh*t! Wellsir, there shore is plenty of that in the pig pen but don’t nobody smoke it!

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