Our high school here sits upon a hill (that is why we call it a high school) an we have a mity fine football coach. Coach Cletus has been with our team fer nigh on to a coons age. That there feller is smarterin a whip an he knows how to make the grade with them guys an gals on the football team. It shore is a shame but the fact is, not a lot of them guys and gals on the team could “make the grade” even if they tried! I am shore not makin fun of them or nuthin but if their brain was ink, most of them could not dot an “i”.


Well, the superintendent, the school board, the parent teachers group and the Parents Of Other Parents In Education came to a like-minded, all of one mind decision. (Well, to be honest, that were not hard to do since Coach Cletus is the only member of all them groups) He decided that the quarterback of the football team was not doin’ her part to become learned in the fine art of math so he told her that the only way she was goin to play on Wednesday night was if she could answer a math question. Well, Coach Cletus did not be wantin to make it too difficult for her because she was the star of the team. In fact, she was the quarterback, the tight end and the linebacker of the 8 folk team so they could not do without her.


Well, Coach Cletus gathered them all in one fell swoop and told them what Claritalynn had to do to play in the big game on Thursday night. They was all real nervous like because they needed her real bad; just like Liberace needed his piano (see, he was a famous piano player so that made him a penist) Anyhow, he set her down on a stool in the middle of the room but she were not happy sittin in dookie so he had her stand in the middle of the group. The tension in that room was as thick as Ken Leatherman’s skull (well, probably not THAT thick but purt near as close). Coach Cletus looked her right in her eyeball and asked, “Claritalynn, how much is two and two?”


That there room went deathly quiet! They KNEW they was needin her in Friday night’s big game. Yew could have heared a bumble bee fart! Claritalynn sat there ponderin the answer cause she knowed she would have only one change to git it right. So, after an hour or two, she looked Coach Cletus right in his left eyeball (Coach only had one, you know) and she answered, “FOUR!” Every guy and gal in that room jumped up from their seats!!! That room erupted in screams and hollers!!! In one voice they all said, “Come on Coach Cletus… give her another chance!”


Yew all take care now and the Ole Hillbilly sends out a great big, smoochy, tabacky swapin, close enough to see boogers, kiss to each and ever one a yew folk!

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