My purty daughter dun went an hitched herself tew a feller from Oreegan a bit overn a year ago. Nice feller ceptin sumtimes he gits me tew wonderin iffin he is tetched in the haid.

I dun took thut thar boy unner my wing so ta speak an taut him how tew use the dadburn pooter (Now don’t yew be a gittin yore mind inta the hogtrough cause I aint talkin bout THUT kind a pooter). See, I dun went an bought me one a thum thar personal pooters an she is a FINE machine! Thut thar baby done be hasin all the latest gadgets and gizmos on er. It has a 386 Pentified Prossessor, 20 dadburn megabites of space, 756 kilowatts a memorizin an she purrs like a dadburn kitty cat! Whooooo weee, tain’t NO FOLK round these here parts set up ta be a surfin the Ciderspace like ole Thad!

Anyhew, I went an taut my dadburn sun-in-law how ta be a makin money wiffin the pooter an I started one a thum thar affilleate progrums wiffin thut thar boy. Shewt, we wus rakin in the dinero rite an left. We wus makin purt near $20 each an ever dadburn week an livin high on the hog. Yew’d thank a feller wudn’t never be able ta spent $20 in a week but thut fool boy shore did manage. Wellsir, he decided he wus a gonna make us MORE money an he went tew foolin around in the progrum and guess whut he did… HE WIPED OUT THUT THAR PROGRUM FASTERN A OLD ROLL A OUTHOUSE BUTTWIPE!!!

I didnt be a knowin anythin bout it an me an Hillbilly Mamma went out tew the barn ta be a seein how much a thut thar money we done made thut day. Mamma gots tew crankin the dewhicky handle so’s we’ud be a gettin some lectricity an I turned on thut pooter. Well lo an behold, I cudn’t find nuthin in thut thar progrum an I hollerin out ta Mamma, “Crank faster Mamma cause sumthin ain’t workin rite!”

Wellsir, Mamma gots tew crankin hardern harder but still nuthin wus workin. “Mamma! Yew’s gots tew crank thut thang faster cause I cain’t get nuthin on this here moniker!” Mamma gots tew crankin thut thang likety split but nuthin wus a workin. Finally, I called out tew her, “Mamma, yew kin stop the crankin now cause sumethin jest ain’t workin rite! Mamma… MAMMA… Mamma?” She didn’t be a hearin me cause Mamma dun passed out smack dab in the middle a the barn floor! Well sir, I wus a mite worryin an yew shore be a knowin whut I did then, dontcha?

Yep, I went tew steppin rite over Mamma an went tew lookin fer thut fool boy whut was a messin wiffin my pooter. Ain’t ANYTHIN worsen haven yore dadburn pooter wiped! Anyhew, I wus a gonna give thut thar boy a whuppin but he’s a mite big fer a feller whut’s 30 years old sew I jest let it go!

Anyhew, thut thar be the endin a my tail bout gettin my pooter wiped! I gots ta be a  sayin thut I still be a liken thut thar boy but frum now on till the good lard comes ta git me, I’ll be a callin him Eraserhead!

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